August 25, 2020
Today I chat with Leisse Wilcox. Leisse is a transformational mindset + success coach who helps high-potential women courageously become the vision of themselves they can’t stop dreaming about. A passionate speaker, dynamic thought leader, author, NLP practitioner, top podcast host, cancer survivor, mom of three, and taco enthusiast, her entire experience has been about coming home to her truest self and to call herself “beloved,” knowing intimately that changing the world starts by making the changes we want to see within ourselves, first.
Key points addressed were
- Leisse’s podcast titled “To Call Myself Beloved” and how it explores and speaks to some of Leisse’s core tenants she has based her Coaching, advising, and speakership career out of
- We also explored her book which was launched hours ago titled “To call myself beloved: A Story of Hope, Healing, and Coming Home” and how it not only unpacks what Leisse terms difficult conversations but also provides action items and real life utility for solving unhealthy and unhappy aspects of life.
This podcast series is hosted by Patricia Kathleen and Wilde Agency Media. This series is a platform for women, female-identified, & non-binary individuals to share their professional stories and personal narrative as it relates to their story. This podcast is designed to hold a space for all individuals to learn from their counterparts regardless of age, status, or industry.
*Please note, this is an automated transcription please excuse any typos or errors
[00:00:00] In this episode, I speak with transformational mindset and success coach and author Leisse Wilcox. Key Points addressed where Leisse's podcast titled To Call Myself Beloved and how it explores and speaks to some of Leisse's core tenants as she has based her coaching, advising, and speakership career roles out of. We also explored her book, which was launched hours ago, titled To Call Myself Beloved. A Story of Hope, Healing and Coming Home and how it not only unpacks what Leisse's term terms as difficult conversations, but also provides action items and real life utility for solving unhealthy and unhappy aspects of one's life. Stay tuned for my fascinating talk with Leisse Wilcox.
[00:00:48] Hi, my name is Patricia Kathleen, and this podcast series contains interviews I conduct with women. Female identified and non binary individuals regarding their professional stories and personal narrative. This podcast is designed to hold a space for all individuals to learn from their counterparts regardless of age status for industry. We aim to contribute to the evolving global dialog surrounding underrepresented figures in all industries across the USA and abroad. If you're enjoying this podcast, be sure to check out our subsequent series that dove deep into specific areas such as Vegan life, fasting and roundtable topics. They can be found via our Web site. Patricia Kathleen .COM. You can also join our newsletter. You can also subscribe to all of our series on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, Pod Bean and YouTube. Thanks for listening. Now let's start the conversation.
[00:01:45] Hi, everyone. Welcome back. I am your host, Patricia. And today I elated to be sitting down with Leisse Wilcox. Leisse is a transformational mindset and success coach. And a recent author, you can find out more about all of her services, as well as her book on her website. LeisseWillcocks dot com. That is leissewilcox.com. Welcome, Leisse.
[00:02:09] What a pleasure to be here. Thank you.
[00:02:11] Absolutely. I'm so excited to climb through. I'm elated for everyone listening. Leisse's book just dropped today and I can I'm just cannot get enough of it.
[00:02:21] I can't tell you how excited I am to be this kind of baptismal moment of one of her first few podcasts to kind of climb through all of it. And I will do just that with you before I get to asking her questions. I will tell everyone who might be new to the podcast. I will read a quick bio on this. But before I do that, let me give you a quick roadmap for today's podcast, inquiry and line of trajectory in which that will follow. We'll first look at unpacking Leisse's story. So I'll ask her about her academic, professional and personal history. It pretends particularly close to her career at this point. And then we'll look at unpacking Leisse's career right now. We'll look at her coaching. I want to get into her podcast and then also, of course, her most recent book titled To Call Myself Beloved A Story of Hope, Healing and Coming Home. Her podcast, also under the same vein, is titled To Call Myself Beloved. And we will call kind of climate, too. We'll get first to all the logistics of those endeavors. So the who, what, when, where, why? And then we'll climb into some of the more specifics about the ethos and the philosophy. So we'll cover both aspects of that spectrum. And then we'll turn to as all of the podcast in this particular series, we'll turn to unpacking goals that list has for the next one to three years for herself. And we'll wrap everything up with advice that she has for those of you who are looking to kind of garner some of her wisdom and perhaps emulate some of her career success. So before I question her, I start peppering her with questions, rather a quick bio. As promised, onlies Leisse Wilcox is a transformational mindset and success coach who helps high potential women courageously become the vision of themselves. They can't stop dreaming about a passionate speaker, dynamic thought leader, author and LP practitioner, top podcast host, cancer survivor, mom of three and taco enthusiast. Her entire experience has been about coming home to her true self and to call herself beloved, knowing intimately that changing the world starts by making the changes we want to see within ourselves.
[00:04:26] First, an expert featured on Simple Habit and an entrepreneurial advisor with Startup Canada. Leisse's intention is to guide people to come home to themselves, giving them permission to live authentically. Leisse's first book, To Call Myself Beloved, is available now, and you can watch her on season two of Amazon Prime's The Social Movement. So please, I can't wait to unpack everything. As I said, I am become positively giddy with new authors and particularly like I don't think I've ever had a guest on launch that day and I'm into your book.
[00:04:59] But before we get to all of that, I was hoping you can draw us a narrative however you see fit of your personal background. You know, briefly how your childhood spilled into adulthood, leading to you, to the endeavors that we will speak about today.
[00:05:14] Absolutely. That was an amazing intro, and I got to tell you, I was sweating a little because I was like, well, we are going to get very real here.
[00:05:20] And also, how much time do I have?
[00:05:22] This is like a major, major suitcase or series of suitcases that we're going to unpack. You know, my story that has informed that has informed my present. Absolutely. Without dictating my future. If I had a I had a really difficult childhood, as so many of us do. My mom left very, very early on and for a while it was just my dad and I. Which was amazing. And a few years later, he reconnected with somebody like our high school sweetheart and they kind of partnered up together and it felt like my dad died and it was like Cinderella story kind of living out in my real life with this new stepmother there who openly did not want me in her life. They had two more kids together. I was such an inconvenience to her life and her lifestyle that I really felt like I had to minimize my entire existence. And that might not sound like a big deal if I wasn't physically abused. And I was like, OK, right. I also wasn't loved. And she shut everybody out of our lives who did love me. So she created this weird dynamic, which is classic and narcissistic abuse that she isolated me. So I had nobody else to turn to for any help. And she the way that the environment she created, I suppose, was one that made me question my own sanity. And so it was just this really, really uncomfortable place where I learned that I wasn't a person of value and if I wanted to get the love I so desperately needed. We also desperately need, especially as kids. I was gonna have to radically change my personality. And so I learned how to put on all these masks and learn how to please other people. And as I say, like minimize my own existence and stop listening to my own intuition and only listen to what I thought other people would expect from me. Well, guess what? That's not a great way to live your life. It was survival mode for sure. And what that survival mode taught me as I grew up was that that's how we find love. We develop these patterns of attachment that when I would meet somebody who is like, OK, here's a person for whom I have to fight for their love. I have to prove myself. I have to be who I am not. Oh, this is familiar.
[00:07:31] This is what a healthy relationship dynamic looks like.
[00:07:33] So, you know, fast forward a few years. I got into a marriage and that just absolutely was so included by his family. And I absolutely felt like I was home for the first time. But the marriage itself, even through beautiful vacations and three wonderful children together and this picture perfect dream life, we had created you so lonely, it was so lonely inside. And one day I had this genuine wake up moment of, you know, we're our seven bedroom house. We're in this beautiful, tiny little town with beltless property, wonderful family around us. And I remember lying on the floor of my little girls, looking at my good looking husband in the kitchen and making coffee at our, like, Karara career, a marble bar. And I had this sinking feeling of like. If this isn't enough for me, what the hell is wrong with me? I had this moment of intuition. Hi yourself. God universe what everyone is. I heard this little voice and that little guiding voice was saying, none of this is enough for you because you are not enough for you. And in that moment, it really did feel like I woke up and I knew at that point that I had some painful decisions to make and some painful conversations to have. And ultimately, I ended the marriage right. I called time of death on the merits of this kind of already dead and started Life 2.0 in a brand new direction.
[00:09:11] That's amazing. I mean, I can't recall.
[00:09:14] You know, I've heard a lot of particularly for this series over the past three years, I've spoken to a lot of women and women, identified individuals, non binary individuals included in that. And I none of them have come to their point.
[00:09:27] And perhaps it's just not spoken about as much because it feels almost privileged. But this idea that, you know, you come to this ultimate success, you know, you had the money, the family, the the mate, all of it. And to realize at that point to be brave enough to call, to just say it's not it's not working on me is kind of amazing. I'm wondering first steps when you headed down because your book is about, you know, the lessons from this journey. Right. As you said yourself, the difficult conversations and this began, it sounds like this is the one of the first difficult conversations you posture to yourself in order to come to all of these realizations. And I'm wondering, did you first have a mentor? Where was the first place you looked to guide yourself? Because your book is about guidance and helping other people have these conversations. Who guided you?
[00:10:24] Google, which is why I wrote the book.
[00:10:31] You know, in fairness, I had like a new friendship at the time with a woman who was very spiritual and kind of one of those other worldly people. I mean, you live in California.
[00:10:41] Maybe you just grew up with these people. I didn't grow up with these people. And I bear in my life now, like, I totally get it now.
[00:10:46] But at the time, she was the first person who really started talking to me about there being another way or about, you know, increasing my faith in the process and trusting what was unfolding. And she's like the first person to ever use those words with me. And I remember I I had a lot of conversations with her which helped me feel like I wasn't crazy.
[00:11:05] I have an incredible art. I have an incredible extended family. But I have one aunt who is such a rock. And when I got through all the Google searches, like, what will happen if I stay? What'll happen if I go? How do I know it's time for divorce?
[00:11:17] Like, what is marriage supposed to feel like and other assorted Google phrases?
[00:11:22] You know, I phoned my aunt and I was like, I think I know what I have to do and I need to know if you will support me in this. And I don't know why I chose to have that conversation with her. I don't know why that was important for me to do. But, oh, man, am I ever glad that I did. Because it it kind of it kind of forged a contract. To be honest. So it kind of forged this emotional contract that I knew I had her support as my person to go and talk to. What's interesting is that, you know, you mentioned that this is the pain that we don't talk about because it sounds privileged and absolutely like you're familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. When you have your physiological needs met, you have your physical needs met, your needs for safety and security. You have all those needs met. You're still having a human experience. And this is what's so fascinating to me is that pain is relative. So absolutely, you can call it a privilege because there is a lot of privilege in there. But we're still having a human experience and that human experience is rooted in our emotional health and our feelings. And I work with so many women who are like overachievers. Right. We're all high achievers. And we've learned through our lives that you do achieve, do achieve, do achieve. And if you want to achieve more than you do more. And suddenly so many women get to this point where they're like. Oh, I did everything right. I climbed all the right ladders and made all the right moves and made all the right connections. I have this list in front of me of all the things I was supposed to do and I checked us. So how can I feel like shit? And then that's wrapped in shame because you're like, well, I obviously can't talk about this because who am I to complain? Like, look at my life. And what we're not looking at is like, Sure. Look at the outside of my legs. Look at the outset of my world. But what does my inner world look like? And for me, it was like overriding that shame or feeling the shame and healing through it to allow myself permission to be like, listen, you do have a loving and supportive in-law family. You do have you know what? At that time, felt like a really huge group of friends and support. And you're not happy. And you've been to therapy and you read the books and not the podcast. The time that, you know, you you've taken all the steps to heal this. And, you know, I remember having a notebook full of things that we had tried to like, quote unquote, make marriage work. And Amber, getting to the final page in the notebook and being like, oh, shit, I know what has to happen. And what has to happen is that either he has to radically change his personality or I have to radically change mine.
[00:13:57] And like I had this visceral reaction as somebody who had had to change her entire personality for the first 30 years of her life.
[00:14:05] I was like, you know what? I think I'm done. I think I'm going to have this really, really painful conversation and make a decision that is, for the first time in my life, rooted in what honors my needs. And I'm going to act in a way that is actually advocating for who I am and what I need. And that was the beginning of this. Like, I get shivers still talking about it. It was the beginning of this, like, wild trajectory of tapping into more of that. Because no matter how difficult that was, once you rang the bell. You can't hear it. Right. And as a result, my piece is the most valuable thing I own. And I paid dearly for it. And I still wouldn't change that for the world.
[00:14:53] No, it's life shattering. And I think anyone who hasn't felt it are the only population that wouldn't get that. He who has gone through a life, regardless of, you know, judgment from the outside, which I like to abstain from altogether, but to to come out in adulthood to a sense of self knowing and peace and compassion wrapped within that for the self, you know, a lot of times in this world, particularly covered pandemic talk. People get into compassion, which I love. I want to help spread the word. But it begins with compassion for the self, you know, and a self awareness that, like you said, you know, once you've tapped into it, it leads onto more of that. And that actually feeds your society more than anything I think ever would. But it's so it's so powerful to hear you talk about that. I do want to start climbing to you. So I first want to look at the podcast because the book launched just today. And I want to kind of unpack the book after we've talked a little bit about the podcast. And I want to start off with some of the nuts and bolts of it. So when was it launched? I have down I saw the last up with the first episode is last August. I'm not sure if that's accurate. So if it was launched a year ago, what the impetus was for it. Did you take any funding or capital? How did you get going with it? Did you have a guest host? Did you have an idea as to how many you were going to release? How did you know about any or end or all of it? Or did it just all come to fruition naturally?
[00:16:18] You are not going to like the answer I'm going to give you because I Googled it once again and I Googled it, though very honestly.
[00:16:24] I remember August sounds about right, but I can't quite remember. I there's somebody who's, you know, used to be actively in my life is now kind of on the periphery of my life. But I have a lot of respect for her. And there've been so many moments in my life where she's such a boss and she's just kind of popped in and be like, oh, you should start a blog. And I'm like, OK, so I write a blog. And then she'll be like, you know, people aren't reading long form content anymore. Usually start an Instagram account. So I like durin Instagram into a microblog. And she popped up one day. She's like, you need a podcast like you, you need a podcast, period. And I was like, I don't want I don't want to do this. I don't have a podcast. What would that be like? And fast forward a little bit, which we can unpack this, too, because it's the third major cataclysmic event of my life, which is also the third in the book. I got a breast cancer diagnosis at age 36 and I had like a week before my 37 birthday or something like that. And it was during chemotherapy that I a decided, well, I have some time.
[00:17:28] And now I guess I can to write a book proposal up. I'm wondering how I'm going to fit that into my schedule.
[00:17:34] And I also use that that time, four months of chemo to research. I literally did. Google had. Casts. I just like went through a checklist and I follow that I ordered a podcast kit from Amazon. People are always shocked to hear this, but I read in a podcast kit, you know, I ended up meeting somebody locally who's a musician, really talented. And I was like, oh.
[00:17:56] You literally sound like John Mayer when you play guitar. Would you would you write a song for me? Europium song for me.
[00:18:03] And he does on my audio. And I chose to do a solo show because the effects of the work we're talking about, I have a in a former life, I have a background in Montessori education. I am naturally an educator. So for me, you can see that went from the classroom to a parenting column to a blog, to Instagram, to a podcast, to a blog. And the podcast effectively is my blog. So I don't have a co-host. It's just me. It's a solo show. I've had one guest on to one episode when I did like Life Coaching Session. But otherwise it's me because I feel like I have a pretty unique standpoint on emotional health and how to genuinely feel your feelings and how feeling your feelings at their core is what changes the manifestations of all the shit you don't want in your life. You know, we experience something. I really. Oh, can you believe this happen? And I was like, yes, let's trace that back to what is actually happening internally. Heal that and then blammo that so naturally starts to disappear.
[00:19:08] So basically, I'm so arrogant that I'm like, what I have to say is so interesting. I'm just going to deliver this product. In fact, it was a hard fought for.
[00:19:18] I don't think it's arrogance when you've gone through the kind of battles that you fought for. Those are badges, you know. And to think that other people wouldn't glean information from them, I think is largely what's wrong with women across the world. And there's nothing wrong with women across the world. Let me clarify and quantify that's put on my tombstone. What I mean is there are a lot of unification factors that I find with oppressed populations. And when I look at women, I've been studying women, female identified, non binary individuals for the better part of 20 years. And throughout feminist lenses and all different kinds. And the truth is, is that one of the narratives in the threads that is in common with all of us is that even those of us that become successful not speak about those stories, they're not important enough and they're not applicable enough. And so I think to fly in the face of that is so very, very important. But there's still even a small dialog with you. You know, as a joke saying, you know, and I'm arrogant enough, like, no, it should be an end. Women need we need to hear each other's stories. You know, the whole point of this particular podcast for any of you that haven't listened is everyone who says there's two people in this world, ones that say, oh, my God, they're so fantastic. I can't believe you're doing that. And then the others say, what is it for? What are you doing? And it's just the difference of people that understand women. Women identified Banan by individuals. We need to hear each other's stories. It's been completely isolated and cut out of rhetoric from marketing to cinema for so long. We don't understand how deprived our own personal narrative is, not gleaning the stories of any other people like us. And so I love that you've done that. And I. I mean, it sounds so stressful for me. And I love the idea that you've described it as arrogant because the concept of taking your own podcast, which is I love your narrative because it is this I'm the most recent one for anyone who hasn't. Listen, jump on really quickly because she narrates one of the chapters in her books that we'll talk about. But it's you have these moments you have to really design and then get into these specific you've got lessons that you're delivering, you know, and you're coming out with these and they're all between 20 and 40 minutes. And that's a lot of work. It's a lot of dialog. It's a lot of choreography, especially when you need it to be fluid. And so I have to commend you on that level. And to that end, I want to talk about you. You release, give or take, it looks like once every two weeks. And I wanted to talk to you about what made you decide that. And I have to say, before we get into that, as a side note, as a total nerd who loves them on a story program, you Googling things is so much right. The self fed that is Monta or any of you out there. I have four children who all went through the Montessori school and they all like it's a very self led education model. So the fact that everything in you, everything in your life has been this self led model, it does not strike me as odd at all that you're Moniz's.
[00:22:12] But I want to climb into. What? Who.
[00:22:15] How did you decide for your own. Was it a conversation with your personal schedule? Like once every two weeks you release. And how do you develop the choreography of what you're going to talk about? How do you curate that?
[00:22:26] So I am currently a solo printer. Right. Like I'm the queen. I run the show. I have three little girls. For the last entirety of their lives, except the last five months, I have had them in my custody. Eighty percent of the time. With like minimal financial support. So the stuff that I have done in four and a half years with three kids in tow. Frankly, I am clapping for myself because it really is remarkable. And the. That's from a brand. You know, when you're an entrepreneur, you wear so many different caps. Right. Like you were the genius cap where you really shine. Then you got to put on like the CFO cap, which is not as much of a strength area strength for me. And then I've got a strategy hat. And so strategically, I'm also very Dutch and I'm very much a Taurus. So when I put on that strategy cap, it is like is rooted in the earth. And that root tells me what is the intention behind what you're doing? What will this lead you to or what will it return? I'm really very spiritual. So what it leads me to. There are so many options in front of me. Most of those options are. Who knows? But I trust my gut to go for the podcast. I only do it once every two weeks because it is very difficult to turn a profit and to convert with a podcast. I think. And so I have to balance out. And I've looked at sponsorships and like I don't want to do sponsorships online. That, frankly, it seems like it's going to add an additional layer of effort on my behalf. And frankly, I look at what is the content? What what is the intention? Why am I creating this? Who am I serving? What am I doing? And how does it align with my value? That's my feel today. I use online literally every decision of my life, especially in my business. And so for the podcast, I believe it's very important to have the podcast as one of the moving pieces of my business. But there's only so much energy I can give it. If somebody else was footing the bill or if they was really converting a lot of clients back to private clients, it would absolutely be at least once a week, if not more. But right now, it's like I really want to have it, but I'm also keeping my eye on it to make sure what I'm doing is actually worth my time.
[00:24:41] Yeah, and those are really good points. I have to say, I get asked to speak a lot about developing podcasts because I've done so many that I know four years ago that I was a little podcast maven. But and what I quickly surmised and kind of speak to and advise you on is everything that you've spoken of. I think that the most important thing is consistency, tone and rhetoric and authenticity as well as like really having a point. And yours are so polished, like, you know, you kind of just quickly prattled off. But you have this original sound music, you know, to your podcasts and then and these sound quality of them, like everything sounds so amazing. And I think that people need to realize that it's still the Wild West. So I realize that I'm speaking to rules I've made up for my own kingdom. But within that, as far as podcasts go, I think consistency and tone. You know, you can have a change in the podcast, but to go from one week to one kind. And then for another, which another is very jarring. And then there's this idea that, you know, people can just not release or stop or do whatever you some random Thursday. And that seems a little immature as well. You know, and just holding yourself accountable, sponsorship, like you mentioned, is another big one. I myself am not attached to it. But funding is not an issue for me because the majority of my projects are self-funded.
[00:26:00] But as you've mentioned, a lot of people think that it's going to be this cash making machine and sponsorship in partnership or a ton of work. They frequently align you with a brand that may or may not be in sync with your brand.
[00:26:11] There's just a lot of things that decimates my brand. I'm so authentic that if I start talking about paper towels, my brand is dead and like the me-ness of me is dead.
[00:26:24] Yeah. And I like your Yankee. I like that whole concept. I was just seems that Yankee know how and you're in Canada, but either concept of ingenuity and kind of like out of the box off Amazon. And then I met a friend and they wrote the music and that that's really what you can do with podcasting. And I encourage people to get on and listened to Leisses because it is a sense of professionalism that is astounding that you did. I for sure assumed that your publicist with your book had hooked you up with an entire crew. So it's hats off to you. It sounds amazing and I love it. I want to turn now to unpacking and to call myself beloved. A story of hope, healing and coming home. The book it just launched today and everyone who has listened to me before knows that I'm an absolute bookworm. But I haven't read it as it came out today. And I am excited. Excited because this will be what I call an airplane conversation. So if I just met you on an airplane and we and I had you quarantined for an hour and a half next to me, I would be able to ask you all of these questions, hopefully without you getting away or putting on your headphones.
[00:27:21] I just, like, leaned closer because I'm so excited about this.
[00:27:27] Oh, I love it because I don't know anything about it. And so this is very off the cuff, which is my favorite kind of conversation. I'd love research, but I do far too much of it. OK. So I first want to talk about this. My introduction to the book was through whatever we could grab Off-line. And I want to read a quick line that I found to myself that kind of explain to me what the book was about and you can tell me if it's correct or not. So it says, To call myself beloved is informed by lessons learned through navigating the most cataclysmic events of woman's of one woman's life and realizing throughout each one that I am still OK. So we've kind of climbed through some of that. You know what you said earlier and things like that. But that for me, kind of gave me the impetus of what I expected the book to be about. I then listened to the most recent podcast, which is about one chapter of that, and it's called The Myth of Competition. And this actually speaks to a great deal of my heart. And I think a lot of people that listen to this podcast series will identify with it. So I first want you to hear what I would like to hear from you. Before we unpack, I want to talk about the myth of competition and all of the other chapters. But when you were writing it, did you keep your audience in mind or did you just read it for yourself? Because you do have this kind of self-serving platform, which is a plausible. But I want to know if you did keep your audience in mind, who was that audience? And as you were composing it, how did how were you speaking to them? How did it help transform her build the book?
[00:28:54] Well, until very recently, I used to introduce myself as a professional human and real ethical because frankly, that's what I am. My dream has always been to get paid to be me again. I spent so much of my life, arguably the first half of my life denying who I was and proving who I was and hiding who I was.
[00:29:12] That now I'm like, Oh, no. Here I am. It took so much.
[00:29:16] I'm so happy to be this person. I love this person so much. Let me share that. And let me see if what kind of opportunities arise. And the cool thing is, lots of opportunities have arisen from that place of genuine authenticity. So, yes, the book. I absolutely kept my audience in mind because I am also my ideal client. I'm very passionate about the fact that just like we said, if I'm having this feeling and I'm really struggling and I can't even Google the answer, I can't figure it out.
[00:29:49] Oh, man. If I can't figure it out, there about to be thousands, if not tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of other women who are struggling this that for some reason don't have the right genetic makeup that compels them to figure it out. So all this stuff I figured out, I went back to school for coaching. I read every book. I did all the things. I saw so many therapists. I ended up creating this incredible healing modality for myself that I started to use of my clients. And I watched how it was affecting my clients lives in this earth. Shatteringly simple way. You know, all of my clients this week, for example, I got on the phone with them and they're like, I am not doing well. It has not been a good week by the end of the conversation. Fifty seven minutes later, they're like, oh, my God, this is a dramatic difference. I feel so much better. I thought I felt stuck. But actually what I see now from talking to you is that I'm not so trapped. I have so many options. So I am my ideal client because those are all pain points that I, I had so close to me. So when I was writing it, it was really important to me, too. Like when it says like somehow I wrote about like, it's just one woman's life. I'm just a woman. Like, I'm just a person living a life as a human on this planet. And I was an episode on my block that's got to be where the female empowerment brand, because when you start to scratch the surface on the female empowerment brand, like you are not going to like what you find in so many that people who are championing themselves as just regular people.
[00:31:23] Are not. So let's take a look there. They're not just regular people, and I feel like I just kind of a regular person living a life.
[00:31:30] And so, again, to write from that place of wealth, here are the three things that ultimately tried to define my life childhood abuse, a really painful divorce, and then this experience with cancer that the treatment for which included chemo, full hair loss and a radical mastectomy. If I remove both of my breasts and what I learned through each of those things was how to heal and not only how to heal from trauma and pain, but how to come home to. So when you read in the space of like, all you have to do is self lollypops. Just love yourself. Just take care of yourself. Just start to prioritize. I'll just set boundaries. My personality is like, yeah, but how? Like tell me how to do that. Nobody is telling me how to do that. They're just creating a listicle. Is that gets great MCO ratings. And so suddenly I was like, well fuck it, I'm going to write this manual on how to do this. So the book is divided and I would call a book like a self love manifesto because it's almost 400 pages and it's literally a compendium of everything and every healing modality, mindset, HAAKE technique that I learned about spotted figures. And it's divided into these three sections, understanding where you've come from, making peace with where you are and then healing forward. And each section opens with one personal essay. So, like, here's a glimpse of what my childhood was actually like. People think because I had such like an engaged Instagram audience, that I must be like very extroverted and very public. I'm insanely private, like I'm an insanely efforts. And so this is a big deal to them actually sharing stories of what it was like in childhood. And then, you know, the second part opens with what does divorce actually feel like? Because if you want to polarize a room real quick, just ask for people's opinions on marriage and divorce, and you will find you'll find basically it's always the woman's fault.
[00:33:22] There a lot of things in the marriage. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that was it was just so it was so intense.
[00:33:28] Divorce was literally the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. And that includes cancer. It was way harder than cancer. And then just as I was building momentum and doing all the right things and navigating that divorce, a lot of grace and kindness and compassion. I got breast cancer, like I got breast cancer the day my ex-husband got married and I was like I was so ready to give up. I was ready. I was like, I'm out. My life is a Kafka novel. And I've read it. And I don't like how it ends. I'm not gonna be this beetle trapped in my back because that's stupid. I don't know what I'm gonna do. And I came home from one of my appointments. There are many, many, many appointments at the very beginning of cancer. And I was so young and no family history that the treatment was going to be super aggressive. So I came home from one of my appointments. I hadn't picked up my kids from school yet. I was just like once again, once again lying on my living room floor. A different house was one I bought by myself, lying in my living room floor rage, screaming like primal rage. But that anger that you're never, ever allowed to feel, particularly as a woman. Like, I was just rage screaming. And I was screaming out like, how the heck am I going to do this? How am I going to do this? Yeah, I wouldn't you know, it. This little voice came back. Again, and the voice this time was like you were going to make this beautiful. And I remember like stopping and being like, what? And I heard it again. You're gonna make this beautiful. And it was in that moment where I was like, oh, my God. The only expectations I have to meet are the ones I set for myself. So I actually get to defy what anybody else's expectations of are of my cancer experience. And I'm going to make it my own. And I'm going to make it so fucking beautiful. Nobody's gonna know what to do. So from that, it was such a turning point that I realized I'm sure you read The Alchemist by Paulo Pueblo. If you're a reader, that's my favorite book. And I remember going through that process of deliberately making everything about the cancer experience and single parenting. And I was like, this is emotional alchemy. This is taking this dark, painful, really heavy stuff. Allowing enough trust and flow and expertize and intuition to consciously transform it into something beautiful and golden. So to kind of answer the question a very long way. That's the third part of the block. It's full of how you do that. You know, it's very easy to be like if you want to heal and move forward, all you to do is forgive your parents. Do you know what it's like to forgive your parents? Do you know what it's like to forgive an ex-husband who doesn't treat you very well? That's hard. Do you know what it's like to forgive people who you thought you could trust? And then they violated all your trust. So in the book, it's I am so proud of it because it's like. Lots of personal essay, lots of anecdotes. There's so many little funny examples, just like it feels like you're kind of talking to your girlfriend on the couch because it's just kind of a casual conversation. We're intensely practical hands on information that anybody can do, that anybody can just teach themselves how to think. Definitely.
[00:36:40] And as a single mom of three, when I say things like it's lifestyle friendly, you better believe it's lifestyle friendly because, like, ain't nobody got time to get up an extra hour and a half to do a workout and make a great movie and then a bulletproof like, I'm like, no, I can't do that right now. So just tell me, how do I teach myself how to think differently?
[00:36:58] I wrote the tome on it. That's amazing. I love. I'm obsessed with anyone who knows.
[00:37:06] Mayors had the unfortunate experience of hearing me ramble on either in front of a crowd or not. I'm obsessed with action items and utility and and it's because I get lost very easily personally in despair. And, you know, and I look at really, really hard subjects and I don't mind doing that as long as we've got a ladder out what path towards that ladder. And so this this call to to action that you have that, you know, you've insisted on fitting into schedule and things like that is kind of. And it's I'm I'm obsessed with the concept. A lot of books that kind of dove into narrative and things like that. We'll tell you how that particular person kind of came out of it. And frequently it'll be like time passed and things changed and fell in love again or something. And I'm like, this is not a solution, you know, with the dot, dot, dot.
[00:37:55] I what what the hell is happening in the dot, dot, dot that nobody will tell me.
[00:38:00] Yeah, exactly. And so I can't I cannot wait to kind of pull it up and and look at your action items because it sounds like it's it's built that way because that's how you're leading, you know, a lot of your coaching. If you're coming out of fifty seven minutes saying this is a lot better, you know, that does not happen just from saying so my life sucks. You know, it it comes finding solutions out how we can toxify like it was will end.
[00:38:26] Because, you know, I really believe that all of us are soul children and we just, you know, live in bigger houses and drive fancy cars. But I think we all stay kids. And because I have these little girls, my inner child got so neglected as a kid that my inner child was so alive and well because she's fostered in this incredible environment that we've created as a little family, that I didn't want the book to be preachy either.
[00:38:50] So all of those action items I like sometimes if you say homework, people actually do get triggered or really these are activities they get.
[00:38:58] They kind of get put off.
[00:39:00] So I was like, well, listen, I love tacos. If you look at my branding at all, it's a very common thread that weaves itself in I love tacos. When I went to California, eight tacos, like all the way up the coast from California to L.A., but to Seattle.
[00:39:15] So each of the activities or whatever.
[00:39:17] No, no, no. I was just saying you're right. And I mean, tacos are like more than our air state flag like me very well anyway.
[00:39:26] And so each of be like activities or the action items in the book are called taco activities because everybody likes soccer. And so it like sparks this like Tuckerton. It is so cool.
[00:39:35] Oh, not to forgive my friend, ok. It's like it's so it's very unhealthy because I, it's like I make it a very safe environment for you to trust me.
[00:39:45] And then all of a sudden you're like, oh my God, I'm doing the work and doing the work. And I am really proud of that.
[00:39:51] Absolutely. As well you should be. I think that that's exciting and finding those things. It's interesting you talk about creating a safe haven within, you know, your family, where you're it's it's dancing a fine line. When p when adults you I think you've been the first adult in the past few months has talked about being a child that hasn't irritated me. And I myself felt a little robbed of a childhood, you know, and for it for loving reasons. I came from a beautiful family of six children and it was crazy and dynamic. But my parents definitely did, you know, all that they could. And and I and when people talk about really their childhood, I'm like, oh, so your children hate being them, like, because you get to be the kid in the situation or there's those adults that like, I guess living out their dream. And so their kids are like having to make dinner.
[00:40:35] And I think like what's why are you taking out your problems on the next generation?
[00:40:38] But I like the way that you describe this environment where you're like we all get to kind of feel safe and experience and you're fostering that inner child without, like robbing it of your children, I think is so cool.
[00:40:49] Yeah. And like, my kids and I are not friends. We are not friends. I'm definitely their mother. They are definitely my children. But there it's so Medda because. I am the mother that I didn't get. I am the mother naturally, that I need it. And through my Montessori education, I totally started reparenting myself. And all of this healing is like it's essentially me re mothering myself and against all odds, because, trust me, I heard a lot of negative feedback and a ton of judgment when I when I did get divorced, people were like the worst thing you can do for your kids, you're gonna ruin their lives. And I'm like, well, not like I'm a really good mom. And that's just not that's just natural to who I am with my clients is the same thing. It's a very mothering energy. I'm not going to be like, oh, good. Did you set a goal this week? No. Like, let's be real. Like, what are you actually intending to do? I'm not your hype squad for my kids. I'm like their back them. Right. There's a lot of structure. There's there's this firm ness with a lot of flexibility. But there are these meta moments because we'll be sitting around writing like song parodies, like taking one of the new tillers with songs and making it up. But our cats instead, we're like watching a movie or something. And we all have this moment where it feels like all four of us are systems. Sometimes I'll go take them out for ice cream before dessert.
[00:42:07] First I'll be like, Oh, you do? Don't tell our mom, because there are those moments of like it's so insanely joyful and playful that none of us can believe that I'm your mom. But trust me, there's like so much mutual respect. Everybody is very, very clearly aware of, like, who the mother is.
[00:42:25] It's like it's a beautiful balance. I like the description that you have. You know, I can't wait to kind of unpack it even further in your book, and I feel the same way. I think there's a way to experience such a think, complete companionship with your children, but always remain. I always tell my kids I'm not your friend. So it's not supposed to be fair friendship.
[00:42:45] Frankly, this actually isn't a democracy. So thank you.
[00:42:48] I've heard what you had to say, but ultimately I make you assertion and I don't know what you like. I think, again, this is yes, this is rooted in my own past with the way that I apply emotional alchemy to it is like I was never, ever allowed to be myself or I felt punished and shamed and exiled for being myself. So with my kids I'm like. What do you like? What makes you happy? Let's do that. You want to do dance? OK, cool. Let's explore that. You know, you want to do karate, whatever. Let's explore that, because it's what makes you feel. I have no expectations of my children other than they are showing up as kind, lovely individuals and whatever that means for them. You know, if they're being of service and they're treating other people with respect, that's cool. They each have their own nuances and passion and style of clothing and and interests and hobbies.
[00:43:39] And to me, that individuality, while live, is the purpose of relationships to be completely whole on your own and independent while sharing an interdependent existence. Yeah. Grunting Right. And that is definitely the little environment that we've created in our home is gorgeous.
[00:43:58] That's got to be your next book. I mean, I'm putting it out there. There you go. Well, it's amazing.
[00:44:04] I love it. And I love the dynamic. It's like I said, I'm very sensitive. When things get described, I get like. But that it sounds wonderful. I love the idea of it. I want to climb into one of your chapters because it was narrated. I felt like I read it online and on your podcast, The Myth of Competition, because it really taps into something that we've actually had a lot of conversation on this particular podcast about. This was something I've looked at and a lot of different angles from a lot of different angles through a lot of different lenses in the past. And them if I would be so bold as to quickly just tell you what I heard from it and when listening to the podcast, is that there is this concept that we are all aware of, of women, that we get pitted against each other. And then you unpack it in a more interesting way. I haven't really heard this before, at least not that I can remember reading this kind of angle, but you get into the perception of what competition is. And Dina. And the takeaway for me was there will always be someone better and worse than you. So competition truly doesn't exist and it doesn't foster you in the way that you think it will. It delineates you from your society, from your fellow sisterhood. It can you know, it can actually slow things down. And it actually removes you from the goal that you're probably headed towards in the competition like circus anyway. And so I wanted to kind of talk about how you came to this chapter. Like, it's such a pivotal, crucial thing. It feels like the conversation, even as I tried to make it simple, is still so complex and dynamic per individual. How did you come to writing about this and what kind of made you come to the realizations you came to with it?
[00:45:36] So I have been basically single for about five years. Like, I've dated a couple of people since. Since my marriage ended. But ultimately, I've been single for five years. And while that has been a massive pain point for me over the past few years, because, like, oh, my God, I didn't think I was ever going to be single, like I.
[00:45:52] Where is this football player I've been dreaming about what five years is talking to? It has done.
[00:45:59] It has enabled me not only to be with my family and create a business and all the rest of it go through cancer. It has enabled me to use my thoughts. So I think about this stuff all the time. But because I spend a lot of time in solitude, it actually allows me to kind of tap into the cultural knowledge of what we're experiencing or what we're being told. I have a love hate relationship with Instagram because that's how I created my business. But also, there's so much bullshit on Instagram. Like, it pains me to watch it happen. And so for me, it's like when you start to strip it back and you strip it back and you strip it back. We are a we are animals. We are social animals at that. And so we are naturally inclined to always look to the group to see that what we're to see if what we're doing is in line with what everybody else is doing, because that means we're being accepted or we're not. And if we're accepted. Cool. You get to live. And if you're not accepted. Oh, you're dead. And so I to ignore competition is so stupid to me. It's like, wait a second. We're kind of wired in our DNA to have this litmus test of, like, is what I'm doing. OK. OK. So that's part of us. But the other part of us has to zoom out and realize, yes, we're social animals, but we've also really evolved as a species. So while we are looking out to make sure we're surviving, we actually have to look in and see what am I doing, why am I doing it? And like, what's the whole purpose behind this? If you spend your time looking at what everybody else is doing, you're only witnessing a moment in time. Right. And, you know, like, success is a long game. You can't you can't measure yourself. You can't measure your words and your progress by anybody else's standards other than your own. Because we're all just comparing weird moments in time and that each of us is walking this individual path. Why the hell would I look at anybody else's path, see where they are and why would I internalize that to make that like a metric of my success as my own? So if you understand that, like. Success as my own in this moment and that moment is like a series of moments over a long period of time. There's always gonna be somebody who's doing way worse than I am. And there's always going to be somebody who's way far ahead of me.
[00:48:18] So to me, it seems pretty stupid to do any of that.
[00:48:22] And instead take all that energy and all that focus and be like, OK. Was this my best? No, it wasn't. OK. Then how could I have done that better? Or what would I tweak to make that smoother? Or is this my best? You know what? Given what I had at the time, the resources that I had, this is my best. Look, I'm going to stand confidently in that. And it's so freeing. Just to be at peace with who you are and what you're doing that I really wanted to frame it for people as like competition. Isn't this you really only have to be to value what you're doing and why?
[00:48:56] Yeah, and I love it because it unpacks it. I think a lot of people have different terminology. You know, people who have a really positive relationship with competition don't actually mean the same thing by that word. As someone who has a negative relationship is where I get very into people like defining their terms. Yes. Least this chapter seems to really define the way that you have started to look at and use these words moved beyond them. And I think that that is so crucial. You know, when you're having particularly self dialog, you really need to ask yourself what you mean by those words. And if you're comparing yourself with somebody else, what they mean by those words and if they give you they haven't defined themselves. You can't possibly believe that you're speaking about the same thing.
[00:49:34] Well, then the second part of that chapter is like, I been controversial.
[00:49:40] But the second part of that chapter is that like collaboration over competition. Is like even more of a myth. And I would argue is rooted in such patriarchal roots that it just it makes me want to vomit because I feel like living in this Instagram generation is Instagram culture that we are told over and over again like, don't worry, girls, that we know we put you against each other for so long. But now all you do is collaborate. And then you don't have to feel, though, that bitter pain of rejection from somebody doing better you better than you.
[00:50:10] And to me, I am like I don't even have a good analogy for it. I feel like I'm like a mere cat looking up, being like, is anybody else hearing this shit? They show me a room full of men.
[00:50:22] Show me a fuckin cafe table with two men where they're being told that, OK, boys, you just need to collaborate instead of compete. No, it doesn't exist. That that's not a thing. And it's like, OK. So if that conversation is now a movement for women to champion collaboration over competition, what I hear is playing nice girls. We don't want you to Slainte nobody's feelings to get hurt. You really can't handle it. So why don't you just work together? And I'm like giving middle fingers all over the place. And like, if you want to collaborate for your brand because it's good for your brand or it's good for your soul.
[00:50:57] I work with people sometimes because I love working with them and it's so fun. I don't care what the outcome is. I just want to be in that energy. That's a fucking awesome collaboration. But if something isn't good for my brand, just because I think somebody else might do it better than me. Does that mean I'm gonna then work with her to get ahead? It's like it's so condescending and it's so misogynistic that I like a want bar. Right. I'd like to see it on.
[00:51:26] Well, and it's wrapped in this beautiful you know, it's wrapped in this message of like women lifting up women. You know, that's bullshit. Drag and all of that. And I think that you're right in saying that one must now collaborate. It's just silly as saying one must compete in. And eventually exclusive. Yeah. And they've taken, you know, a word that didn't used to mean, you know, your week and then called it week like collaboration used to be how NASA was built. It wasn't how, you know, we have the population that couldn't get ahead because of, you know, hundreds of years of misogynistic implementation at micro levels, you know. Oh, it's crazy. I want to turn I could talk all day.
[00:52:07] I could have you unpack every chapter, read it, and we'll do just that, too.
[00:52:14] I love asking coaches and people who have done so much self dialog and then turned into, you know, advisers and and mentors of that nature.
[00:52:24] I am obsessed with how you look at goals yourself. So I want to first know as a business person. Do you have one to three your goals for your business endeavors? And second of all, do you use the same structure in which you advise your client tell when it comes to looking at the future or goals or whatever terminology you want to supplement if you hate the word goals.
[00:52:44] Yeah. So I think for me, interestingly, like today's book launch day for me. Right. And I, I had ordered a bunch of copies in advance for pre sale and they arrived a few days ago. And so the from the time they arrived to today has been such an emotional time because you're confronted with it. And I read about this in the book, like the failure, the fear of getting what you want. Suddenly it's like, oh, my God, I've been focused on writing a book, even if on the back burner on my periphery. I've been focused on writing a book for four years. I did it. It's in the world. Last time I checked, it's like number three already arms in self esteem. Like I think it's going to be a bestselling book now to go back into it.
[00:53:27] And at first that, you know, the roller coaster of emotion is like, oh, my God, what do I do now? And the flip side is like, oh, my God, what do I do now?
[00:53:37] So for me, the next one to three years are so interesting because today was the pinnacle of what my goal was, was like. Right. I look today I'm like, I did it. Oh, my God, I did it. Like I created this brand. I started hiring people to run Facebook ads and build online course or build the ads to promote the online courses. You can work with me privately. I have a Quantcast I have a book I do speaking as soon as I can get back on a stage. It's like. Oh, my God. What is next for me? And so I don't know what that looks like. Really, what it feels like is more freedom, more thought leadership. I feel like all this self dialog, all of this work. All this granular attention to the emotional experience we're having. I really feel like my purpose on this earth is to change the global conversation on emotional health and self-love. And to me and this answers the second part of your question as to how I support clients with their goals. I'm so intention based. And, you know, the spirituality component ties them because I know what I want this to feel like. I know what I want how I want to honor my family. I know the level of financial freedom that feels really good for me. I know how I want to be of service to not only my local community, but my global community. And if I'm really clear on that intention, which I am, and if if that intentional why and so beautifully with my values, which it does. Then I almost don't really care what happens next, because I know it's good thought, leadership to me is always possible on my radar. I'm going to be on this TV show. We're shooting it in October. And it's called the Social Movement. It's getting like 60 people together. We're divided by expertize and we're given four days to solve a major problem like education, pendent, how to stop a pandemic. And then we pitch those ideas to a team of investors. So part of me is like, oh, man, what if I get, like, my own Netflix docu series to come out of that or wouldn't wouldn't it be cool? I get on my own Amazon mini series that's just sharing what I know about the emotional experience. I don't know, but I know that it's gonna be so fun.
[00:55:56] It's going to be like lots of work and also lots of fun.
[00:55:59] It sounds like it. I love that and I love that. You know, it came and you had a very clear thought that was just also based out of intention like that faith and knowing what that framework for yourself and understanding that, you know, you could move forward out of that confidence and grace. I think that's everyone's goal is to feel like, you know, that regardless of how clear their goals are, they will be obtainable because they've developed this platform. Well, I wanted. We've got like a few minutes left. And I want to finally climb into my last question, which everyone knows I ask on this particular series, and I'm excited to find out what yours is going to be, your answer. But so if you were walking tomorrow outside of Toronto on your beautiful lake community at a safe social distance and someone ran up to you and it was a woman or a woman identified or non binary individual, they said, listen, I am so good, least I found you. We have someone in common. They've told me to come and talk to you. I have undergone this, you know, like this litany of personal difficulty and triumph from that. And I'm getting ready to kind of pull myself up and pivot and start this huge empire for myself. And it's going to be based on all of my knowledge and all of my findings. What are the top three pieces of advice you would give that individual? Knowing what you know today?
[00:57:19] That's a powerful question. I think it would be. Trust yourself.
[00:57:26] Don't pay more attention to what you have to say than what anybody else has to say, and I appreciate that. It is a long game, and just because it's a long game doesn't mean that you're failing. It just. Sometimes things take more time than you think. And if you can keep yourself present and really, really be in the process without focusing so much on the end goal.
[00:57:55] Beautiful. So I've got trust herself. Appreciate that it's a long game. And stay in the process. Stay present. That's great. All of those, you know, speaking to self-knowledge and then endurance and looking at like the true livelihood of everyone's struggle. And then obviously staying present, which I think a lot of your advice does. I am so thankful for you speaking with us today. It's been such a pleasure for me. And we're out of time. But I just wanted to say I really appreciate your candor. I know that your empire is developed on it, but I feel like you stay present with that. It's very easy. I think when you write as much as you do when you podcast's and things like that to fall into these like very Klip things that we say over and over again.
[00:58:39] But I listen to a lot of information on you online before we spoke. And I've never heard anything that you've given me today. So I just want to say thank you for that. It's it's really appreciated. Your authenticity is amazing.
[00:58:50] Thank you. And what an opportunity to be here. I wish we weren't coast-to-coast because like I want to go for tacos with you or like go get coffee right now. What an amazing opportunity to be here and share the space from across the world.
[00:59:03] Absolutely. And that will happen one day. We are absolutely getting tacos. Soul Sisters, for sure and for certain.
[00:59:12] But yes, I appreciate it. And for everyone listening. Thank you so much for giving us your time. I do appreciate all of you. And we've been speaking with Leisse Wilcox, who's a transformational mindset and success coach and author. You can find out more about her book, her podcasts and her coaching different courses and things like that on her Web site. Leisse Wilcox dot com. That's Leisse i. S s e w i lcross dot com. Her book is called To Call Myself Beloved. A Story of Hope, Healing and Coming Home. Jump online. Grab it off and we will come back around. I always serve. I, I know my audience is like, how could you not have read it. I will grab Leisse back up again before COVID ends and so that she's somehow still at home and I'll trap her into having a conversation with me. Guaranteed.
[00:59:58] With pleasure.
[00:59:59] Yeah, absolutely.
[01:00:00] So thank you everyone for giving us your time again until we speak again next time. Remember to stay safe and always bet on yourself. Slainte.